December 20, 2009

Well, apparently I’m not allowed to slack off or Jess will call me out on it. Geez. Tough love is not my favorite.

Still, I guess I’ll respond to her writing prompt: What is the area you’ve grown the most in your relationship with God in 2009?

This question is extremely hard for me to answer because I feel like I haven’t improved at all as a Christian. My faith was so much stronger when I was pregnant, but it has gradually become less and less real. My belief that God loves me and takes care of me has become something I know in my head but not my heart. It just seems like this year was a giant leap backwards in some ways.

In other ways, I know I have learned a lot about God and myself. But unless I’ve made visible improvement, I don’t allow it to count. I know that I should be thrilled about seeing more of God and understanding myself better, but it just makes me sad that I haven’t made more progress.

I want to see things differently, though. I want to be excited about what I’ve learned this year, even if no one else can see any upward movement in my life. I want to trust that these small changes in my mindset and outlook are monumental in my walk with God.

Father, help me not to rush what you’re doing in me.


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